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leadership-post
AI generated imageA Squirrel Cannot Be Like a Giraffe, and a Giraffe Cannot Be Like a Squirrel
LeadershipCoachingCareerApril 2, 2026A promotion in a company is usually associated with leadership responsibilities. However, leading employees is, in many ways, a different task than being an expert in your field and solving problems where you excel.Just as a squirrel quickly darts through the treetops but doesn’t have an overview of the forest, a giraffe cannot quickly scurry over branches to find nuts, even though its long neck provides an overview.An Illustrative Example
Let’s give our squirrel the name Torben. Torben is a “genius” in his field. Intuitively and with his expertise, he can conjure up solutions in no time. He particularly shines when things are urgent, because his experience and outstanding abilities allow him to solve problems, especially in crisis situations.Torben is now nominated for a leadership role because of his performance—something he has long desired. However, as soon as he assumes his new position, he feels overwhelmed: He can’t delegate and wonders why his employees don’t really respect him or “follow” him. Even the crash course in “Leadership Responsibility” didn’t help. The tasks are too pressing for him, tasks he believes only he can solve efficiently.He finds it difficult to maintain an overview and, like an architect, to delegate and structure tasks that he used to complete himself quickly—usually faster than others for whom he is now responsible. And he misses that, which is why he doesn’t want to delegate at all. However, he’s not even aware of this.The Promotion Problem
Torben is a typical case of promotion understood as advancement to a leadership position. What was overlooked is that his profile is not work organization, but rather that he is an expert in his field: solving problems, seeing solutions in micro-areas where no one else sees them. But a leader doesn’t need to be able to do that.Companies that primarily understand advancement as leadership responsibility face a major challenge in distinguishing between: desire for promotion, recognition of achievements, and leadership responsibility. The consequence is that such companies run the risk of operating with the handbrake on, as their newly promoted experts often cannot stand to watch their employees do their work less efficiently than they would themselves.On top of this comes the pressure that they now bear responsibility for the overall result, but they watch as work is completed more slowly and often worse than they would do it themselves. The temptation is great: to quickly intervene and do it themselves. The result: overwhelm, excessive workload, slower work processes, and in the worst case: burnout.Advancement Must Be Rethought
People who bear leadership responsibility don’t need to be such experts in their field as Torben. Furthermore, they can be advised by geniuses like Torben. They need to have the overview, create the structures, provide the spaces for the work that Torben loves to be managed efficiently. But that’s not Torben’s strength.To speak in coaching language: Before his promotion, he was associated with his activity in his field because he loved it and is effective in it because he’s good at it. He wants a reward for his special achievements and to “advance.” But actually, he wants more recognition, not the task area of leadership responsibility itself.People with leadership responsibility must be able to think dissociated and also look at the tasks to be accomplished with distance (i.e., at the meta-level), assign suitable employees, and see where the tasks to be accomplished can be effectively organized.None of these jobs is more or less valuable. They are just different. There are only a few Torbens who can also do this.What Could Be the Solution?
How can companies better recognize these connections to promote the full potential of their workforce and be organized in such a way that they can manage their standardized tasks and unavoidable emergencies in an agile, appreciative, and effective manner?A giraffe simply cannot be like a squirrel, a squirrel also cannot be like a giraffe, and an eagle cannot be like a chicken, and a chicken cannot be an eagle.Gaining strength for what you need it most.
Master complex challenges and fully develop your potential.
Together we find paths for your personal and professional development.
+49 152 1732 2737Boltensternstraße 12, 40239 DüsseldorfServices
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Note: Clicking on a logo will redirect you to an external website.© Photos by Jan-David Bürger www.jan-david.com
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Young Fathers
AI generated imageBeing a Father – Between Challenge and Fulfillment
Thoughts from a FatherFatherhoodWork-Life-BalancePartnershipCoachingSeptember 26, 2025Whether you’ve just become a father, have been in this role for a while, or are preparing for fatherhood – you probably know these thoughts: How do I balance career and family? Am I a good father? How do I handle the pressure? What if everything changes in our partnership?As a father of two adult sons and a little daughter, and as a coach for fathers and expectant fathers, I want to share something with you today that I’ve learned from my experience. These thoughts and challenges I’ve had too, and they are completely normal and justified.My biggest challenges as a father
Work-Life-Balance – My eternal balancing act
I had to learn that I couldn’t do everything perfectly at the same time. And that’s okay. The key lies in making conscious decisions. When I managed to be present where I was at the moment, it did me good: at work or with my family. I needed time to find this balance.My uncertainty in the father role
I asked myself daily: “Am I doing this right?” Today I know: there’s no “perfect” way to be a father. Every child is different, every family is unique. I had to find my own way. I learned to trust my instincts.The financial pressure I experienced
I know the sleepless nights about finances well. The thoughts: “How am I supposed to pay for all this?” I had those too. I had to learn that children don’t need the most expensive things, they need me as a person. Time is more valuable than money – even if that’s hard to believe when the bills come in.My partnership changed
This was perhaps the biggest challenge that isn’t talked about enough. After birth, almost everything changed for us:- We were tired: Really tired. And when you’re tired, you get irritated faster. We had to learn to be patient with each other.
- Our roles shifted: My partner had changed – she was now a mother. I changed too. We talked about what we needed from each other.
- Time for each other became rare: We consciously planned time just for the two of us. Even if it was only ten minutes in the evening.
- Communication was everything: When she told me how exhausting the day was, I learned that she didn’t want me to fix it. She wanted me to listen and understand her.
A story from my practice
I’ll call the father David here. He sat on my coaching couch and said: “I’m very happy that I’m a father. It’s wonderful to see my little son. On the other hand, I also feel very uncomfortable. At work I think about the baby and wonder if I should be more supportive, at home I think about work and feel like I’m not doing enough anymore. Sometimes my wife is even annoyed with me. This sometimes really pushes me to my limits.”We talked about how being a father is a constant learning process. It never stops and is new again in every phase of life. Step by step, David adjusted his expectations to the situation. He began to set new priorities and above all: He allowed himself to accept when something wasn’t perfect. Sometimes he could even laugh about it. Today he’s a more relaxed father and the family feels more comfortable with that too.What I really needed
After all these years I finally understood what really mattered:Realistic expectations: I had to learn that I wouldn’t be able to do everything right away. Nobody can.Other fathers to talk to: I found other dads. We talked about our experiences. I realized that everyone had similar challenges.Time for myself: I wasn’t just a father and partner. I was also me. I couldn’t forget that.Accept support: When someone asked “Can I help?”, I learned to say yes. Pride didn’t help anyone.Patience with myself: I was learning the most important job of my life. I had to be gentle with myself.My first steps
Today, after these years, I know: I was not alone with these thoughts. What I perceived as my personal weaknesses were normal fatherhood experiences.Being a father was indeed not a sprint for me, but a marathon. I had highs and lows. I made mistakes – many of them. But I learned that in the end, the love I gave mattered.I became a father – not perfect, but with lots of love. And when other fathers want to talk to me or need support, I’m there. That’s how we fathers support each other.📋 Checklist “The first 100 days as a father” for download
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Schedule AppointmentGaining strength for what you need it most.
Master complex challenges and fully develop your potential.
Together we find paths for your personal and professional development.
+49 152 1732 2737Boltensternstraße 12, 40239 DüsseldorfServices
- Empowering
- Supervision
- Mediation
- Coaching
Note: Clicking on a logo will redirect you to an external website.© Photos by Jan-David Bürger www.jan-david.com
© 2025 steffenbuerger.com. All rights reserved. -
stress-mit-chef
AI generated imageStress at Work?
Stress with Your Boss? Stress with Colleagues?
What You Can DoCoachingWorkplaceConflict ResolutionSeptember 15, 2025Are you being blamed for mistakes you didn’t make? By a colleague or even by your boss? Are you being bypassed in important decisions? Is your competence being questioned or are you even being pressured with threats? Do you sometimes feel excluded? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your workplace? A small mistake becomes a big problem?Such situations rarely remain without consequences: sleep disorders, constant tension, irritability, or the feeling of becoming smaller and smaller inside.A Practical Example
Mr. Andreas (name and situation changed) came to coaching because he had been pressured by his supervisor for months. The boss called him at home even when he was still sick. He was expected to work during lunch breaks, the boss didn’t reduce the workload even though he felt unwell. The consequences: headaches, heart palpitations, inner restlessness.In coaching, he learned to set clear boundaries and act confidently. Step by step, this also changed his boss’s attitude. Andreas regained respect – and over time, the physical and emotional complaints also subsided. Today he enjoys his work again.What You Should Consider
There are ways to deal with such behavior. This includes:Stay confident, even when it’s difficult.Address specifically what’s wrong – with examples.Document your work so you have support.Seek supporters – internally or externally.Know and protect your own boundaries.But: Every step also carries risks. A confrontation can defuse the conflict – or escalate it. That’s why it’s important to be prepared and gain clarity about possible consequences.A First Step
If you feel the pressure is overwhelming you: If you can’t change the situation, you still have the opportunity to protect yourself. Sometimes a new perspective is enough to feel better or to take the first step.Do you have questions about this topic or would you like professional support?
Feel free to contact meGaining strength for what you need it most.
Master complex challenges and fully develop your potential.
Together we find paths for your personal and professional development.
+49 152 1732 2737Boltensternstraße 12, 40239 DüsseldorfServices
- Coaching
- Supervision
- Mediation
- Coaching
Note: Clicking on a logo will redirect you to an external website.© Photos by Jan-David Bürger www.jan-david.com
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Hypnosystemischansaetze
AI generated image
Hypnosystemic Approaches During Contract Clarification in Conflict Experiences in Coaching and Mediation Processes
CoachingEmpowermentMediationHypnosystemicsAugust 21, 2025The term “Hypnosystemic” was introduced in the 1980s by Dr. Gunther Schmidt, who as a systemic family therapist combined these elements with those of Ericksonian hypnotherapy (Schmidt, 2009). Gunther Schmidt studied personally under Milton Erickson. Hypnosystemic counseling draws heavily from Ericksonian hypnotherapy (Erickson, Rossi & Rossi, 1976).From a hypnosystemic perspective, experience is created through attention focusing. For this reason, during contract clarification, it would ideally be beneficial for the coaching or mediation process to guide the client from the very beginning to focus on imagining the desired target experience (Schmidt, 2012).During contract clarification, conflict experience usually feels so immediate and intense that clients often find it difficult to focus on the desired experience. Therefore, each contribution from the conflict participants is received by the accompanying person with an attitude that recognizes their valuable needs. Invitations from the coaching facilitator or mediator to focus on the desired experience are often perceived by conflict participants as ignorance or lack of appreciation. Therefore, it is of great importance, especially in the initial phase of the coaching or mediation process, to appropriately acknowledge and appreciate the conflict participants in their conflict experience (Schmidt, 2009).From a hypnosystemic perspective, conflict experience arises from the discrepancy between the imagination/perception of an unfulfilled need and desire (longing goal) compared to the undesired current state. Similar to Freud’s structural model, the steering competence (Freud’s so-called “ego”) perceives this discrepancy as disturbing and wants to balance this disturbance (Freud, 1923/1991). The longing goal may not be conscious. The feeling of discrepancy between the unfulfilled wish/need and the current state shows that clients have an unconscious idea of when they subjectively feel “good.”Interventions from a hypnosystemic perspective are ritual offers that stimulate everyday, involuntary processes to create a desired perception. From the changed perception, the client generates a behavioral change (Schmidt, 2012).However, during contract clarification, in a phase of strong problem experience, an intervention with the question about the desired goal often cannot yet be answered. The question: “If this process (coaching, mediation) were to proceed in the very best sense, how would you notice it?” would probably not really be processed yet. Clients are hardly ready at this stage to put themselves into a state of the process result. Often they cannot yet manage to imagine the desired experience at the beginning of the process. It would be expected that clients would immediately step into their familiar problem experience (Schmidt, 2009).Typical systemic questions like: “What is your problem?” have a problem-focusing and thus problem-catalyzing effect. Should problem focusing lead to clients remaining in mismatch-filter experience, increased empathetic pacing and going along is one of the most effective interventions. These should be alternated with appreciative emphasis on competencies. These competencies are shown precisely in the clients’ conflict experience (Schmidt, 2012).The hypnosystemic view interprets undesired processes that lead to conflict experience as competent solution attempts. They are appreciated as the client’s independent achievement. This achievement intensifies the problem experience/conflict experience: (e.g., whoever wants to “eliminate” problem experience focuses on the problem and intensifies it. In coaching, defensive behavior such as intimidating or attacking the conflict partner leads to conflict escalation). From a hypnosystemic perspective, it is less the content of the problem experience that is decisive, but rather the relationship that the respective conflict participants establish with the content, from which the conflict participants then generate the corresponding behavior (Schmidt, 2009).Since the meaning of a message always lies with the receiver, the clients/conflict participants determine whether they are ready at the moment to engage with the corresponding intervention offers. The interventions may be well-intentioned, but whether they are good is always determined by the receiver (Watzlawick, Beavin & Jackson, 1969).In Conclusion:
Hypnosystemic approaches balance in contract clarification between empathetic appreciation of conflict experience and a careful invitation to goal imagination. A premature focus on the desired experience is usually not yet perceived by the conflict parties. The focus on problem experience is usually still too strong; well-intentioned (but not good) offers that focus on target experience quickly lead to overwhelm. In contrast, appreciative pacing and looking at resources in problem experience prepare the ground for change. Interventions are empathetically adapted to the clients’ receptiveness (pacing). This opens up a process in which conflicts can be used as access to resources and development potential.References:
Erickson, M. H., Rossi, E. L., & Rossi, S. I. (1976). Hypnotic realities: The induction of clinical hypnosis and forms of indirect suggestion. New York: Irvington.Freud, S. (1923/1991). Das Ich und das Es. In Studienausgabe Bd. III. Frankfurt a.M.: Fischer.Schmidt, G. (2009). Hypnosystemische Konzepte für Therapie, Empowering und Beratung: Kontexte, Konzepte, Vorgehensweisen. Heidelberg: Carl-Auer.Schmidt, G. (2012). Liebesaffären zwischen Problem und Lösung: Hypnosystemisches Arbeiten in schwierigen Kontexten. Heidelberg: Carl-Auer.Watzlawick, P., Beavin, J. H., & Jackson, D. D. (1969). Pragmatics of human communication: A study of interactional patterns, pathologies, and paradoxes. New York: Norton.Gaining strength for what you need it most.
Master complex challenges and fully develop your potential.
Together we find paths for your personal and professional development.
+49 152 1732 2737Boltensternstraße 12, 40239 DüsseldorfServices
- Coaching
- Supervision
- Mediation
- Coaching
Note: Clicking on a logo will redirect you to an external website.© Photos by Jan-David Bürger www.jan-david.com
© 2025 steffenbuerger.com. All rights reserved.
